For Kate and William

Brenda had the DVR set set in order to watch the Royal Wedding later in the day. Since she woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, she decided to watch it live. I remember watching the wedding of William's mom and dad while I was on a tour across Canada in 1981. What an insight into British culture--then and now.

We want this marriage to last forever. Witnessing William's parent's marriage dissolve before our eyes was a sad disillusion. The horses and carriage, the long, traditional white gown, the church and the minister offering the vows--this all seems like a fairy tale. The world is tuning-in by the billions to watch the spectacle and we can't get enough. Sadly, money, pomp, social status, education, health, beauty and youth don't guarantee Kate and William's success in marriage. It is obvious that they have affection for one another. Still, there are a few things that I want to offer them that have worked for Brenda and I for almost 26 years. I know that I'm a commoner and don't have the up-hill struggles that a Royal has. But I want to give these simple suggestions to you both as you ride off into your "happily ever after."

1. Be nice to each other. Treat each other with courtesy. Say "hi"--a billion times a day if necessary.

2. Say I love you often. Don't hold the notion, "I told you when I married you!" William, you are the initiator (sorry , I'm old-fashioned!).

3. Stay connected throughout the day. Text messages and quick phone calls can do the trick.

4. Make your marriage "priority one" over all others--even the church (not to be confused with God Himself!), and sit down for this--the children. Your kids' lives are enriched when mom and dad are in love and deeply committed.

5. Have a weekly date. Try to honor it even if you have to scoot the calendar around to make it happen. Make it a financial priority--it doesn't have to break the bank either.

6. Give each other the grace to "rewind the tape" when something said in an argument comes out in a hurtful manner. Communication is the hardest part of marriage. To remember that you two are totally different people will help you to slow down and think about how to say things clearly and with wisdom.

7. Give each other the space to enjoy different hobbies and friendships, but always prioritize your time together.

8. Make decisions together, especially the ones that are significant. William, God gave you a wonderful partner whose opinion just might save your rear-end at times, and conversely, Kate has you. When you agree upon a direction to go, what can stop you?

9. Learn to create boundaries around your marriage, home and family life. Others will want to break in at times but you must "schedule" family time. You do not have to explain your family appointment schedule to anyone. Don't let the pursuit of money, stature or fame steal from your family (there are times when making a living will require time from you, but don't let it take over your life.)

10. I recently heard an 88-year old man say of his 67 year marriage, "It takes L.O.V.E.!" This word goes right past us sometimes. But to me that means we must cherish, sacrifice for, honor, prioritize, listen to, have grace for, nurture and pursue--like we did when we were chasing after--our bride. Before you know it, the days turn into months, years and decades and life will be full of joy.

May God bless both of you as you start this journey together!

Emmylou Harris

Emmylou Harris is the true Queen of Country Music. She not only helped revive traditional country music back in the Seventies, but she made a slew of converts (myself included) to the genre by infusing the old-school songs with distorted guitars and rock flavors. As a background singer with Gram Parsons (The Byrds, The Flying Burrito Brothers), she helped spark a revival in country music that Gram himself, in my opinion, could never have completed alone, even if he had survived. Sadly, Gram's death in 1973 sent Emmylou scrambling to find her own identity and her own way as a pioneer in this new hybrid of American music.

Along the way she became a top-notch band leader enlisting the finest guitarists and side-men available: James Burton, Ricky Skaggs, Emory Gordy, Jr., Glen Hardin, Hank DeVito, Albert Lee, Rodney Crowell and Buddy Miller, just to name a few. In 1980, she came out with a bluegrass-oriented record called "Roses In the Snow." I was intrigued with a high tenor voice that was amply used throughout the recording. Searching for the person with "that voice" through reading the liner notes, I became aware, for the first time, of the brilliant Ricky Skaggs.

I have collected almost all of her records since then. Emmylou has taken a few creative "left turns" in her career, including the making of "Wrecking Ball" with producer Daniel Lanois (U2,Peter Gabriel). She was never a prolific songwriter herself, but soon ramped-up the writing of her own compositions after "Wrecking Ball." I consider Emmylou a master song-picker. Like her friend Linda Ronstadt, she has a keen ear for great songs--many times obscure--waiting to be brought to life through her stellar arrangements and beautiful vocal interpretations. Her song-picking and songwriting have fused to create excellent results on her most recent records.

Yesterday I bought her new record, "Hard Bargain." I was impressed with the songs and her contemporary approach to them (airy, wide-open and spacious mixes complementing her beautiful, and at times heartbreaking, lyrics). Sometimes I like to go back and enjoy the early recordings of Emmylou. The songs transport me to where, in 1981, I was horseback riding in the Canadian Rockies, just outside of Banff. Her music became a veritable soundtrack of my journey across Canada that summer. As I listen to the songs from "Hard Bargain," they are a perfect accompaniment to this rainy morning as I write and look out into a soggy, brilliantly green spring morning.

Creating Great Moments In Worship, Part 9: Building A Band

I hope everyone had a great Easter. The Monday morning after is a great time to make evaluations and begin to form strategies for growth and improvement.

Thank God for volunteers--the church would not function without them! The privilege to serve God is an honor for both themselves and the church. Some volunteer positions in the church require more expertise than others, and playing in the worship band is no exception.

Every worship team is looking for Jeff Beck or Eddie Van Halen to walk in and say, "Here I am, people, put me to work!" Since that probably won't happen, we are challenged to select and train musicians out of the talent pool within our church community. Each church has the opportunity to create a strong group of worship musicians if--taking in consideration finances, leadership ability and talent--they are willing to consider some real-life, time-tested suggestions:

1. Create a list of musical and spiritual standards that are required to be a member of the team. Stress salvation, commitment, good stewardship and preparedness as fundamental requirements for membership.

2. Encourage continued musical and spiritual growth.

3. Emphasize each member must play one instrument well, not a lot of things mediocre.

4. Create an environment of excellence by first being a prepared leader and offering the players an opportunity to ready themselves for each rehearsal and performance.

5. Supply (as finances warrant) professional-quality "back-line" support for musicians by offering a good set of drums, amps, keyboards and monitors for the band. Eliminating the lugging of heavy items in and out of rehearsal can streamline setup and shorten rehearsal time. Each musician must supply their own instruments (except for the aforementioned large items) and accessories like sticks, picks, cords, etc.

6. Create a professional environment by using music charts with rhythms, melody, words and a good road map (chords over word-type charts are limiting). This process requires a learning curve but pays off handsomely as the music library grows and members learn to sight-read. Obviously, this requires someone to prepare the charts, and some small churches are limited in this ability and/or expense. Take the first step and learn to use notation software like Finale and Sibelius (Finale offers graduated notation programs for different needs and applications).

7. Depending on the church's musical style, solo instruments like a sax, violin, flute or horn can be welcomed. There should be definite direction given as to where and when they play. Encourage the soloists to also play percussion or auxiliary keyboards, for instance, to bring variety. In the case of a horn or string section, a predetermined musical arrangement is imperative.

8. Hold regular auditions. Offer a sign-up list after services. Assign someone to contact and audition applicants. Start with a phone interview--much of the elimination process can be accomplished then (Do you read music? Do you play lead guitar and/or rhythm? Are you available for rehearsals and services, etc?). It is helpful for two people to judge auditions so both can take responsibility for the the final decision. When a player shows promise but is not ready to "fly alone," let them shadow another player for a few weeks to learn the ropes.

9. Excellence, success and professionalism will encourage those with like attitude to want to be a part of your team. It takes years to build a quality team. Even still, I would rather have people on my team with a strong heart for Jesus and an average grasp of their instrument than a prima donna with an ego the size of Texas!

10. Start the training process for future players while they are in the youth group. Encourage private lessons. Create a music training co-op in your church by selecting teachers and assigning a group of students to take weekly lessons for 6-week, alternating terms (guitar, drums, bass, keys, vocals, tech, etc.). Create a couple of bands out of this process to play for the student ministry and begin to graduate capable players into the adult program as they show promise.

The Demise of the Home Phone

The DirecTV guy came Wednesday morning, surprisingly right on time! He rummaged through the rat's nest of various cableage that littered the back-side of my living room's flat screen TV. He fished out the now-defunct home phone line that sat unused since the last technician fooled with our TV hook ups. While changing out the broken DVR box, he looked at me like I was Fred Flintstone and said, "You know, Mr. Harvill, phone lines aren't necessary any more!" I didn't want to seem offended by his comment. But because I had made the decision last year to get rid of our land-line home phone, I wanted to confirm to him that I knew that already, and some of the evidence still lingered here and there.

Brenda was sweeping up the garage a few days ago and had several wireless phones wrapped up and ready to toss. My inner pack rat winced at the thought of great technology going to waste. I quickly gained control of my self and conceded that they had to go with the rest of the dust-covered garage litter.

Its sad that we are witnessing the demise of the home phone. I remember our family phone prominently place on the kitchen wall. My folks had a second one installed on my dad's desk in the den so we wouldn't have to run into the kitchen to answer a call. Phones were owned by the phone company then. I remember the first "Princess Phone" we had. It looked like something out of Disney's Tomorrowland. I can also remember visiting Disneyland and using the spacious phone booths at the exit to Circle-Vision. We all would cram into the booth, call home and marvel that we could hear and talk through some big speaker above without holding a receiver (that was very simple to do even then, but we were transfixed, nonetheless).

Phones were everywhere, and there was a phone booth on just about every corner. Brenda, upon the instruction of her father, carried a quarter in her pocketbook for years in case of an emergency (I remember when the cost of a call was a dime!). Poor phone booths...they are a boat anchor, like those wireless phones in my garage. Even homeless people manage to pull enough scratch together to carry a cell phone these days.

Cell phone rule! When they morphed into the super-duper smart phone, cell phones swept in and stole the market share for even home phones. People are still holding on to their home phones for use with alarm systems (there's even cell technology for that!). Some have a neurotic need to hold on to the past and will probably never part with their old land-line phone. It got to the point with me when I finally realized I was paying for something we never used. So we said goodbye to the old home phone number and embraced our cell phones as the sole means of phone communication. When I dialed 911 last month after having a car accident in North Carolina, I was connected to a local operator who hooked me up with the local police. My cell will work the same inside my home, too!

Goodbye, old friend. We will remember you fondly-- when we nervously picked up your receiver to ask a girl out on a first date; where we first heard that we got the job or that a loved one passed away. You will always be a part of our lives--its just that your sexy cousin, the cell phone, has stolen our hearts. Having both of you is kind of like wearing a belt and suspenders at the same time: its redundant.

Remembering Mom

Today marks the 14th anniversary of my mother's passing. She was only 67 and we never saw it coming. Every time April 19th rolls around it is bittersweet; that day changed us all.

After her death, Brenda, the kids and I moved to North Carolina to be near my Dad. That ended up being a four-year blessing. In that time we met so many life-long friends. We were able to partner with my buddy, Mike Snelgrove, to start Cornerstone Fellowship Church. I am proud to say that the church is doing extremely well. Even as we've been away for almost ten years now, our time with my Dad and the church was priceless and fruitful. Dad is doing well and prides in being the oldest member of Cornerstone Fellowship!

The bitter part of today is that Mom is not here. The sweet part is that her legacy of being a first-rate mother, grandmother and wife lives on forever in our hearts.

God is good!

Fracture Critical

I stopped to watch a show last night called Inspector America on the History Channel. It is based around the crusader, Timothy Galarnyk, an infrastructure safety inspector with over 35 years of experience. He asserts that if America doesn't pay attention to it's aging infrastructure (bridges, dams, tunnels, sewers, railways, roadways, etc.) and make necessary repairs, we are headed for trouble. Over the decades, the infrastructure that helped our country grow hasn't kept up with the times. Galarnyk wants to see some changes.

Galarnyk mentioned the term "fracture critical" in the show last night. He pointed out some startling examples of rusted steel and crumbling cement pilings on the still-used, severely degraded Stillwater Lift Bridge in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota. The basic definition of the term "fracture critical" is that if one critical area of the bridge's support system were to fail, the whole thing would certainly collapse. Just four years ago, an Interstate 35W highway bridge in downtown Minneapolis loaded with rush-hour traffic dropped more than 60 feet into the Mississippi River, sending at least 50 vehicles and passengers into the water and ultimately taking the lives of 13 people. Galarnyk wants to avoid this happening to anyone else again.

How many areas of our lives are "fracture critical?" Last year my life was shaken as I learned of a personal, two-year bout with high blood pressure that caused irreversible heart damage; I didn't even know I had it until I visited the doctor with severe headaches. I had to make some big changes. Maybe a relationship, a job, or a life-style is "fracture critical" and we don't even know it. Many times, like in the case of the Stillwater Bridge, we re-pave the road, making it look new, but under the roadway there are cracks, holes and erosion that threaten eminent danger.

Proverbs 4:20-27 (New International Version, ©2011)

20 My son, pay attention to what I say;
turn your ear to my words.
21 Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;
22 for they are life to those who find them
and health to one’s whole body.
23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
24 Keep your mouth free of perversity;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you.
26 Give careful thought to the[a] paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways.
27 Do not turn to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.

The good news is that if we learn of the areas that are failing and we take steps to repair the damage, we can start anew. The problem with our broken lives is that we cannot make the repairs alone. Maybe a doctor, therapist or a health professional can guide us back to health. But ultimately God, the Creator and Sustainer of our lives, can make the most important changes. Our hearts are the wellspring of our lives and we cannot live up to our potential without His saving grace and regeneration.

In this Easter season, it would be good to make an inspection to see if there is any threat of "fracture critical" areas in our lives. God wants to make you strong, just ask Him.

Sweet Sleep

For years I've had trouble sleeping. I would sometimes surrender to those little blue, over-the-counter sleep aids from Walmart if it was impossible to get my racing mind to stop taking laps around the days activities. Some nights I would just channel surf into the early hours of the morning, every so often looking over at Brenda as she peacefully slept. I am jealous that she can just close her eyes, hit the pillow and fall fast asleep.

Last week Betsy let us borrow a little sleep machine that they weren't using. When we got home and plugged it in, I was skeptical that the sounds on this little machine could help me over this dreaded problem I've had for so long. When we were kids we would put a portable fan in our room, not so much for the cooling factor but more for the sound it made. It helped us sleep. This little sleep machine sounds like that fan. The next morning I woke up feeling refreshed--that crazy machine actually worked. I have used it every night for a week now and it has never failed to help me fall asleep, and stay asleep for eight hours. Brenda is the real winner here!

I learned some amazing facts from the National Sleep Research Project about the importance of a good night's sleep:

-The 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill off Alaska, the Challenger space shuttle disaster and the Chernobyl nuclear accident have all been attributed to human errors in which sleep-deprivation played a role.

-Tiny luminous rays from a digital alarm clock can be enough to disrupt the sleep cycle even if you do not fully wake. The light turns off a "neural switch" in the brain, causing levels of a key sleep chemical to decline within minutes.

-Ten per cent of snorers have sleep apnea, a disorder which causes sufferers to stop breathing up to 300 times a night and significantly increases the risk of suffering a heart attack or stroke.

-Snoring occurs only in non-REM sleep.

-Teenagers need as much sleep as small children (about 10 hrs) while those over 65 need the least of all (about six hours). For the average adult aged 25-55, eight hours is considered optimal.

-Some studies suggest women need up to an hour's extra sleep a night compared to men, and not getting it may be one reason women are much more susceptible to depression than men.

-Experts say one of the most alluring sleep distractions is the 24-hour accessibility of the internet.

-The extra-hour of sleep received when clocks are put back at the start of daylight in Canada has been found to coincide with a fall in the number of road accidents.

Even though we sleep for one third of our lives, the quality of life during those other two thirds are attributed to a good night's sleep. I'm gonna keep that little machine by my be for as long as Betsy and Adam can do without it. I wanna be ready just in case someday I am asked to fly the Challenger or operate an oil tanker. It's not cool when you fall asleep on the job in those situations!