A Life In Balance, Part 1—Personal Balance

A balanced life is a healthy life. I don't claim to have it all together, but I do know that true health, satisfaction and contentment will only come through a serious, daily relationship with and obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ. As I say in the introduction below, Scripture is the place where anyone can find a guide for balanced living, and it isn't a secret—it's out in the open for all to see, to obey and to enjoy! Knowing the truth about ourselves, according to God's perspective, can be liberating. 

I desire balance for my own life, and I know you, my friends, do too. Thanks again for reading.

___________________________________________

A LIFE IN BALANCE, PART 1

Personal Balance

Introduction

            Balance in life and ministry is what God intends for His children. In the day-to-day struggle to pay bills, stay healthy, maintain a close relationship with God, family, and with others, balance can be a daunting objective. One way to measure a person’s life balance is to compare it with what the Bible demonstrates as a successful, well-adjusted life (Prov. 11:1; Eph. 5:15; 3 Jn. 1:2; 1 Pet. 5:8; 1 Jn. 1:4).

            This piece will focus on balance that Christians must discover, practice and teach in the church and in their daily lives. Balance must be practiced in one’s personal life before he or she can teach and lead within a faith community. It takes balance to be spiritually fruitful; with one piece missing—worship, service or spiritual formation—ministry will be unstable, and a minister, or any believer, for that matter, will be unstable in the Body of Christ.

Personal Balance

The highest life goal for a Christian is to live a gospel-centered life, to see oneself through the eyes of Christ and not through the world’s perspective. Every human is flawed, but the good news is that through Christ’s redemption, one is free to live as a child of God, not an orphan. To discover one’s God-purpose in life is a great gift that transforms a person from being a wandering soul into having an eternally secure bond with the Creator, continually discovering the journey that God has purposed for them to follow. Gary Barkalow, an expert on life purpose, says that to navigate one’s calling, believers must constantly be “triangulating”—like a GPS system, which utilizes three satellites in space as separate reference points to determine an object’s location. These three reference points, in relation to personal balance, can be referred to as a person’s story, desire, and journey.[1]   

One’s story—or history—is a point of reference for finding purpose, and it rests in a person’s personality, ability, talent, etc. Desire is also a valuable clue to purpose: the longings one has drives them toward a goal that, with the transforming presence of God, may take time and understanding to fully discern. Barkalow describes the third reference point, journey, as:

…a process, a progression, a journey that all people must take in becoming who they truly are and in recognizing the role they are to play. And we must remember, as essential and powerful as these reference points are, beyond them there are things that only God can reveal about our lives.[2] 

Casting a personal vision can be a bit painful as one surveys the dark side of his or her life— peering into areas that are vulnerable; where the possibility of mistakes are made because of unresolved emotional challenges, hidden struggles and needs. Conflicts in leadership and in personal life may come from a person’s own feelings of being hurt, through apparent rejection, or not receiving proper attention or respect, etc. Leadership experts Gary McIntosh and Sam Rima observe, ”[Life challenges] often become areas of conflict because they touch some raw nerve within the leader’s dark side.”[3] Abraham Lincoln once said, “All human beings have their weaknesses, but not all of us realize them, come to grips with them, or offset their negative impact. As a group whose primary endeavor is interacting with other people, leaders must accomplish the paradoxical task of managing their darker sides.”[4] Organizational guru, Mark Freeman, suggests each leader (and person) practice self-observation. He says the groundwork for personal transformation “lies in developing awareness into our behavior and its causes. It is important to determine when, why and under what conditions we use certain behaviors.”[5] The greatest move forward in this journey of self-discovery is in embracing the gospel-centered view of life, where Christ is predominant—to live as a child of God and not as an orphan.[6]

Physical Balance

Discontent can lead a person out of stagnation and into a hopeful future. On the other hand, it may lead one into ruin. For instance, advertisers use discontent to entice consumers into purchasing merchandise. But discontent can also lead a person to make important life changes—maybe wise health choices in response to poor habits and their consequences that have crept in over the years.

Mama birds pull the fur lining of the comfortable nest away so the prickly sticks (realities) are exposed. This way the discomfort forces the baby eagles to move away from their comfy home. It oftentimes takes a certain kind of nudge to wake the unhealthy to ultimately fitfully fly. One’s health, career, relationship with God, family and friends all deserve full, robust attention, and a wakeup call made by consequences is often necessary to get a person back into a healthy regime of good eating, proper rest and exercise. Without proper attention to one’s body—the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:19)—life may become out of balance. As a student, minister, husband, father and grandfather, there are many people hoping that I will remain healthy. This would include healthy eating, walking an hour, three days per week, getting at least eight hours of sleep per night, drinking plenty of water, and avoiding anger, worry, and stress.

Psychological/ Emotional Balance

Balance for the mind and heart are anchored in how well one knows and practices the truth about him or herself—a constant aim to live within the Truth of the Word of God. Knowing the truth about oneself, especially in relation to God through Scripture, will help focus one’s life upon the eternity (Jn. 8:32). There are certain areas of life, concurs author David Seamands, which need special care and healing by the Holy Spirit. These challenges are not subject to routine prayer, self-control, or resolve. Seamands explained, “[These areas] need a special kind of understanding, an unlearning of past wrong programming, and a relearning and reprogramming transformation by the renewal of our minds. And this is not done overnight by a crisis experience.”[7]

Each person must take responsibility for his or her own actions, which when fully embraced will eventually bring freedom. But bondage comes from giving liability away.[8]   In Galatians 6:5-15, Paul says that to take responsibility for one’s own life means to be trained toward a “self-sufficient maturity,” to be generous, to especially serve those in one’s own community of faith, to be confident in God, and to take part in what He is doing in the earth. Being lazy and looking for a handout is certainly not what Paul described as being responsible.

Spiritual Balance

The pillars of spiritual balance are worship, service, and spiritual formation. God commands all the earth to worship Him, which is the first pillar of spiritual balance (Ex. 20:4; Matt. 22:34-40). Worship is to be practiced both personally and corporately. “It’s one thing to worship and praise God at church,” writes devotional author Dave Branon, “ [but] it’s quite another to move out into the real world and worship Him through daily obedience” (1 Sam. 15:22).[9] One’s worship should not be limited to times and places, but it should be practiced everywhere, all the time—24/7.[10] Balance in life means that one wholeheartedly worships God (Ps. 95).

            The second pillar of spiritual balance is service. In a recent movie, an effectual hotel bellboy served his patrons with this in mind: “A lobby boy is completely invisible, yet always in sight; a lobby boy remembers what people hate; a lobby boy anticipates the client’s needs before the needs are needed.”[11] Jesus said, “And whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:44-45, NIV). I Corinthians 13:4-8 describes a true servant in the Kingdom as one who loves: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends” (NIV). In the Great Commandment, Jesus said that loving God and loving others were connected; He stressed, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:39). Balance in life means that one loves and serves his neighbor, whatever that entails (Luke 6:30).

            The final support of balance is spiritual formation. In his book, The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren says, “Truth transforms us” [12] (Matt. 4:4; Acts 20:32). Truth abides in God’s Word. Spiritual growth begins with the indwelling Holy Spirit and when each believer replaces falsehoods with the God’s truth.[13] Christ-followers are transformed through trial (2 Cor. 4:17), which builds spiritual strength and purity (1 Pet. 4:12). Believers are also transformed through a life of prayer (Matt. 6:9-13).

The objective of each believer should be Christlikeness. God gives collaborators in life to help equip the saints, such as “apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers” (Eph. 4:11-13, ESV). Spiritual growth is a process through which Christ’s character is fashioned within a believer, through “the ministry of the Spirit, in the context of community, and in accordance with biblical standards.”[14] This process incorporates the whole individual—their yearnings, views, and actions. Ultimately, this process radically changes a believer’s life, resulting in a person’s dying to self and living for Christ.[15]

Balance between spiritual formation, service and worship is evidence of a life of spiritual strength and stability.

Personal Ministry Balance

Boundaries are extremely important for a balanced life and ministry. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have addressed the necessity of boundaries in many of their books. In the first of the “Boundaries” series, they wrote:

In the spiritual world, boundaries are… real, but often harder to see. [You need to] define your intangible boundaries and to recognize them as an ever-present reality that can increase your love and save your life. In reality, these boundaries define your soul, and they help you to guard it and maintain it (Prov. 4: 23).[16] 

In order to live a healthy, emotionally stable life, one must be fully in the present, listening, and ready to act. Being healthy emotionally and spiritually means a person is fully absorbed in whatever opportunities God is presenting. “Being ready,” says author and pastor Tim Chaddick, ”does not mean you fully understand all the details; it means you fully surrender to the God who plans them.”[17]  

In ministry and leadership, boundaries are constantly being challenged. Author Jenni Catron writes of creating a disciplined work culture: “When our mind and managerial leadership are balanced well with the other dimensions of leadership, we inspire disciplined cultures where processes are well-defined, systems and structures are clear, and boundaries are understood.”[18]  In order to set up strong boundaries between personal life and ministry, one must make clear restrictions and limits, and be disciplined to stick to them. Mark Freeman describes self-leadership as “the process of influencing ourselves and developing the self-motivation needed to perform.”[19] Charles E. Hummel, author of the classic book Tyranny of the Urgent, warns, “Christians who are too busy to stop, take spiritual inventory and receive their assignments from God become slaves to the tyranny of the urgent [to manage by crisis]...they don’t complete the work God has for them to do.”[20] 

Next time: Part 2, Family Balance

________________________________________

Footnotes

[1] Gary Barkalow, It's Your Call: What Are You Doing Here? (Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2010), Kindle Edition, locations 492-493.

[2] Ibid., locations 669-671.

[3] Gary McIntosh and Samuel D, Rima Sr., Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership: The Paradox of Personal Dysfunction (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2007), Kindle Edition, locations 1863-1865. 

[4] Donald T. Phillips, Lincoln on Leadership: Executive Strategies for Tough Times (New York: Warner, 1992), 80. 

[5] Mark Freeman, “Personal Strategies Can Lead to Self-Leadership,” Birmingham Business Journal, October 10, 2004, http:// www.bizjournals.com/ birmingham/ stories/ 2004/ 10/ 11/ focus2. html? page = all. (Accessed July 12, 2016).

[6] Rose Marie Miller, Nothing Is Impossible with God: Reflections on Weakness, Faith, and Power (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2012), 11; 56.

[7] David A. Seamands, Healing for Damaged Emotions (Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2015), 15.

[8] Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal: The Four Shifts That Make Everything Better…And That Everyone Can Do Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992), 146.

[9] Dave Branon, “Obedience Is Worship,” Our Daily Bread (June 9, 2013) http://odb.org/2013/06/09/obedience-is-worship/ (accessed July 12, 2016).

[10] Ibid.

[11] Wes Anderson, director and screenwriter, from the movie The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014), American Empirical Pictures (US) and Indian Paintbrush (US).

[12] Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2002), 212.

[13] Ibid.

[14] “Definition of Spiritual Formation at DTS,” Dallas Theological Seminary, http://www.dts.edu/departments/academic/eml/sf/definition/ (accessed July 12, 2016).

[15] Ibid.

[16] Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992), 29.

[17] Tim Chaddick and Craig Borlase, Better: How Jesus Satisfies the Search for Meaning (Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2013), Kindle Edition locations1047-1049.

[18] Jenni Catron, The Four Dimensions of Extraordinary Leadership: The Power of Leading from Your Heart, Soul, Mind, and Strength (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2015), 135.

[19] Mark Freeman, “Personal Strategies Can Lead to Self-Leadership.”

[20] Charles E. Hummel, Tyranny of the Urgent, Revised and Expanded (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1994), Kindle Edition locations 206-208.

Bibliography

Anderson, Wes. Director and screenwriter. The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014). American Empirical Pictures (US) and Indian Paintbrush (US).

Barkalow, Gary. It's Your Call: What Are You Doing Here? Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2010. Kindle Edition.

Baucham Jr., Voddie. Family Shepherds: Calling and Equipping Men to Lead Their Homes. Wheaton, Ill: Crossway Books, 2011.

Blackaby, Henry, Richard Blackaby and Clause King. Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God. Nashville: B&H Publications, 2008. Kindle Edition.

Branon, Dave. “Obedience Is Worship.” Our Daily Bread (June 9, 2013). http://odb.org/2013/06/09/obedience-is-worship/ (accessed July 12, 2016).

Carter, Karina Martinez- “How the elderly are treated around the world.” This Week (July 23, 2013). http://theweek.com/articles/462230/how-elderly-are-treated-around-world. (Accessed July 13, 2016).

Catron, Jenni. The Four Dimensions of Extraordinary Leadership: The Power of Leading from Your Heart, Soul, Mind, and Strength. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2015.

Chaddick, Tim and Craig Borlase. Better: How Jesus Satisfies the Search for Meaning. Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2013. Kindle Edition.

Cloud, Henry and John Townsend. Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No. Grand Rapids, Zondervan, 1992.

Cloud, Henry. Changes That Heal: The Four Shifts That Make Everything Better…And That Everyone Can Do Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992.

“Definition of Spiritual Formation at DTS.” Dallas Theological Seminary. http://www.dts.edu/departments/academic/eml/sf/definition/ (Accessed July 12, 2016).

Draper, Edyth. Draper’s Book of Quotations for the Christian World. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 1992.

Edmondson, Ron. “10 Suggestions for Raising Godly Children.” RonEdmondson. http://www.ronedmondson.com/2015/05/10-suggestions-for-raising-godly-children.html (Accessed July 17, 2016).

Farrar, Steve. Real Valor: A Charge to Nurture and Protect Your Family—Bold Man Of God Series. Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2013.

Freeman, Mark. “Personal Strategies Can Lead to Self-Leadership.” Birmingham Business Journal (October 10, 2004). http:// www.bizjournals.com/ birmingham/ stories/ 2004/ 10/ 11/ focus2. html? page = all. (Accessed July 12, 2016).

Gelsinger, Pat. The Juggling Act: Bringing Balance to Your Faith, Family, and Work (Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2008.

Harvill, Jamie. Worship Foundry: Shaping a New Generation of Worship Leaders. Bloomington, IN: WestBow Press, 2013.

Hummel, Charles E. Tyranny of the Urgent: Revised and Expanded. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1994.

Lancer, Darlene JD, MFT. “Symptoms of Codependency.” PsychCentral. http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/. (Accessed July 13, 2016).

McIntosh, Gary L. and Samuel D. Rima Sr. Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership: How to Become an Effective Leader by Confronting Potential Failures. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2007.

McLeod, Beth Witrogen. “Empty Nests: Flying Solo After the Kids Leave Home.” HealthDay (January 20, 2016). https://consumer.healthday.com/encyclopedia/depression-12/depression-news-176/empty-nests-flying-solo-after-the-kids-leave-home-645069.html. (Accessed July 12, 2016).

Miller, Rose Marie. Nothing Is Impossible with God: Reflections on Weakness, Faith, and Power. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2012.

National Center for Health Statistics. Health, United States, 2015: With Special Feature on Racial and Ethnic Health Disparities. Hyattsville, MD. 2016.

Neistat, Casey. “Overpowered Motorized Skateboard” (Vlog # 119, July 22, 2015). CaseyNeistat on YouTubeRed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSCoVPoCt1U. (Accessed July 13, 2016).

Parsley, Ross. Messy Church: A Multigenerational Mission for God’s Family. Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2012.

Phillips, Donald T. Lincoln On Leadership: Executive Strategies for Tough Times. Illinois, USA: DTP/Companion Books, 2009.

Piper, John. Let the Nations Be Glad! The Supremacy of God in Missions. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 1993.

Pipes, Dr. Jerry and Victor Lee, Family to Family: Leaving A Lasting Legacy. Nashville: NAMB of the SBC, 1999.

Kornhaber, Dr. Eugene. “Grandparents As ‘Spiritual Guides,’” Foundation for Grandparenting. http://grandparenting.org/resource/grandparents-as-spiritual-guides/ (Accessed July 13, 2016).

Rainer, Thom. “Autopsy of A Burned Out Pastor: 13 Lessons.” Thom S. Rainer: Growing Healthy Churches, Together (June 23, 2014). http://thomrainer.com/2014/06/autopsy-burned-pastor-13-lessons/. (Accessed July 13, 2016).

Rainey, Dennis and Dave Boehi. The Tribute: What Every Parent Longs to Hear. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1994.

Sanders, J. Oswald. Spiritual Leadership: A Commitment to Excellence for Every Believer. Chicago: Moody Press, 2007.

Seamands, David A. Healing for Damaged Emotions. Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2015.

Thrall, Bill, Bruce McNicol, and Ken McElrath. The Ascent of a Leader: How Ordinary Relationships Develop Extraordinary Character and Influence. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1999. Kindle Edition.

Warren, Rick. The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2002.

Wheeler, David and Vernon M. Whaley. The Great Commission to Worship: Biblical Principles for Worship-Based Evangelism. Nashville: B&H Publishing, 2011.

Zaki, Anne. “Shall We Dance?: Reflections on the Nairobi Statement on Worship and Culture.” From the book Worship and Mission for the Global Church, James R. Krabill, ed. Pasadena, CA: William Carey Library, 2013.