Change Can Scare Us to Death

The thought of moving away from life patterns that have been present for years and decades is frightening. Isn't it our goal as "responsible Americans" to create a world in which security rules, where anything that threatens to topple that reality is an arch-enemy? It would seem that retiring from a position at a company after 35 years of dedicated service is the ultimate goal for our careers. But in today's reality, in contrast to my father's work-world of an earlier generation, that notion is as broken as last weeks' McDonald's Happy Meal toy.

In keeping with the theme of my recent entry called Doors, I want to take a more sober look at the things that keep us from walking in a new direction--into fresh starts and opportunity. You know well that the #1 reason for not making a change in life is fear. Fear can be broken down into sub-categories and with questions such as: what about income?; what about health insurance?; will I need to move to a new city and find a new home?; what would people think of me--would I be letting someone down? Change takes a great amount of energy to implement, therefore we sometimes shy away. As the title of this entry clearly states, change can scare us to death! It's not change that kills us but the fear of change that can stop us dead in our tracks.

In one example for me, I realized that the flow of significant income from a career-long publisher was becoming sporadic--the checks that were once in my mailbox like clockwork every quarter started to arrive later and later. That stability started to flounder. Things had to change--I had to wake up and make a plan for the future--a pro-active plan to replace that income. I also had to take a cold, hard look at other areas of my life that weren't producing the results I needed.

Dr. Spencer Johnson's little book, Who Moved My Cheese?, made a significant impact on me when I read it several years ago. The moral of the story is when our income sources dwindle, or opportunity dries up, it's wise to look elsewhere, rather that coming back to the same place again and again. The mice in the allegory should have seen the decline in their cheese supply coming at some point and made provision for other sources. It sounds easy until change faces us down. In the book, the mice named Hem and Haw debate in response to the looming reality that they should search for cheese elsewhere:

" 'It is too dangerous out there… we might not find any cheese for days, and there might be a trap somewhere in the maze.' Haw sat there thinking about what Hem said and started to waver in his decision. So they sat there again for days hoping to get new cheese. Whenever Haw started thinking about going out into the maze, Hem will quickly remind him of the danger out there."

Change is scary; its dangerous--Hem and Haw have a point. But we cannot let fear scare us to death--or to the point of paralysis.

I serendipitously crossed paths in the grocery store with a book called Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud. In it Dr. Cloud helps the reader to recognize when it is time to end something and move on to greener pastures, whether it's regarding stagnant relationships, businesses, a job, or just to clear out "dead branches" littering our lives in general (sounds harsh...but isn't it about time?). The problem most of us have when our "cheese has moved" is that we probably saw evidence of dwindling "cheese" supplies earlier on. For whatever reason, we missed the earlier clues, and in the process, possibly lost time, effort and emotional energy to fear.

It's not too late! Just coming to the realization that a change is needed can be invigorating and will bring energy to start the process. Our greatest "locked door" is fear. I guarantee that there are options for you to unlock that door and move into a new direction. It is scary, but don't let that fear scare you to death. Rather, use the adrenaline to run toward a wonderful future. Life ain't over, my friend!